My whole life I have been advised to exercise. And I really have tried over the years. To no avail.

When I was in grade school I was always the last one chosen on teams. “You can have her, you can have her”. The captains would argue about who would have to have me on their team. (I never got to be the captain).

When I was finally chosen, I always got the worst positions. I spent my entire sports life playing right or left field in girls baseball. I was terrified of the ball. Don’t even get me started about field hockey. Those terrible sticks.

When I got to high school, I chose tennis as my sport. I could hit the ball over the fence and spend the entire period looking for it.

Then it was college. UCLA. And you had to take a physical education class. First I took bowling. This was sort of fun and we got to go to a real bowling alley and wear cute shoes.

The next semester I signed up for square dancing. I thought that would be fun to learn. Uh, oh. The ‘class’ was in the evening. That should have been my first clue.

When I walked into the gym wearing my regular sweater and skirt and white bucks, there were about twenty couples, all in square dance clothes. Also a professional caller.

Everyone broke into squares and again, nobody wanted me. I didn’t have a partner and I was dressed all wrong. Plus I didn’t know any of the steps.

This wasn’t really a class. It was a place for square dance couples to do their thing. All I knew was Do Si Do. Square dancing is very fast and the dancers get very angry at you if you screw up their square.

Since then I have tried all sorts of exercise. In the 60’s, I worked out with Jack LaLane. I had three children under four and so my days were mostly at home as a housewife. Jack had very simple exercise equipment for his methods.  A chair and a broom, as I recall.

Later I tried yoga. I especially liked the leotards. Everyone looks pretty good in a leotard and tights. The yoga was OK, but nothing to write home about. I never really ‘got’ it.

Through the years, I tried Gold’s Gym, 24 hour Fitness and even the YMCA. I really don’t like exercise at all. Usually for exercise, I shop faster.

So imagine my delight, when I got the email today that I have printed below.

HEALTH MESSAGE:   1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. 2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat. 3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years. 4. A tortoise doesn’t run, does nothing, just eating…yet lives for 450 years.   AND YOU TELL ME TO EXERCISE?? Pleassseee!!