I forgot to write a blog last night. Maybe I’ll write a scathing review about Le Bistro French restaurant. Nothing serious, except Peter and I were the only two people in the entire restaurant who were ‘dressed’.

Since the restaurant was touted as ‘dressy’,  I mulled over what to wear for weeks. I decided on a long purple velvet Ann Bolyn style dress with amethyst jewelry, purple shoes and a purple ‘snake’ bag. I also sported a long silk chiffon Valentine scarf that I have had for over twenty years.

I had my hair cut and colored an aubergine to match, as well as manicured hands and feet with purple nail polish.

Peter wore a purple long sleeve dress shirt and contrasting silk tie.Photo on 2-15-13 at 10.50 AMChiffon Valentine Scarf

Most of the men were in short sleeved Reyn’s type aloha shirts. (For those of  you readers not from Hawaii, these are reverse print faded cotton shirts, made popular here in the 60’s, when Reyn’s aloha shirt company sent bolts of fabric to Japan to be sewn into shirts, and the factory sewed all the shirts with the fabric wrong side out). There were two men in ill fitting plaid cotton sports jackets worn over golf shirts.

The women were all dressed in drab gray, blue, tan things. Ours was the only pop of color in about 100 people.

Several weeks ago Peter asked where I would like to have dinner on Valentine’s Day. Several friends had given good recommendations for Le Bistro, so he phoned for reservations. The only time available was five p.m. That was OK as we both like eating early.

The evening started on a high note, with long stemmed red roses, a Valentine balloon, romantic greeting card and a beauty gift from Sephora, my favorite store.

We arrived promptly at five to an empty restaurant. It seemed awfully bright, but I put that down to being only five p.m. There were about half a dozen waiters hovering about. They were all in their early twenties and wearing jeans with a burgundy apron.

After watching them ‘serve’, I concluded that they must have been the owners grandson and his buddies.

Our host said, “Follow me” and proceeded to lead us to the very back and then down a dark hallway that skirted the kitchen. Along the way he said,” You are going to love this. This is our Wine Room. Very special blah blah blah”. When we entered the room, my heart sank. It was dark and gloomy with two hastily set tables.

At one end was a floor to ceiling wine rack, full of wine bottles. The only things missing from the room was a ‘rack’ and some leg irons bolted to the walls.

At this point I was thinking my Ann Bolyn dress fit in nicely with this dungeon atmosphere, however I balked and refused to be seated. The host then walked us back into the main dining room and seated us at a very small round table for two.

I decided not to complain again, as not to make a ‘scene’. I am notorious for making a fuss it I don’t like the table in a restaurant. I’m sure this is much to the dismay of my date, but that is Me.

When I saw the table, I was immediately reminded of the hundreds of ‘timeshare’ tables I had worked at for over twenty five years. I doubt if it was more than 27″ in diameter. A ‘timeshare’ table seldom has more than a few papers and a pen on top, where this one was fully dressed with glasses, silverware, a small candle, napkins and where the food was to go was a question that ran through my mind.

Also a ‘timeshare’ table has three uncomfortable chairs. Two for the clients and one for the salesperson. (The female salesperson sits to the right of the woman, while the male salesperson sits to the right of the man). If the clients were two women or two men, then these rules did not apply.

This table only had two uncomfortable chairs.

There were also four menus on the table. Two wine/drink menus and two shabby soiled dinner menus. I had looked up the menu on the internet, as I usually do, before coming to an unfamiliar restaurant. This was entirely different. Many items were missing and all items were priced higher than the internet version.

At this point the waiter came to our table to tell us about the specials for the evening. He then proceeded to rattle off about thirty items ranging from warm lobster salad to opakapaka with leeks. This was done in a total monotone and while he gets an A Plus for memorization, he gets a D Minus for delivery.

For my first course I ordered the Oysters on the Half Shell. I have had this served to me at well over fifty restaurants around the world. This dish is always served on a bed of crushed ice. This assures that the shells are nestled in the ice and the oysters are ‘icy’ cold. At Le Bistro, the dish arrived in a large bowl filled with ice cubes. The six shells on top were 3/4 out of the ice and thus, not ‘icy’ cold. Very odd.

As there was no bread on the table, I asked for bread and when the small loaf of warm delicious French bread came, lo and behold there was no room on the table. Finally the waiter found a little spot hovering near the edge. He did find room for one small pat of butter on a little plate. I guess this was to be shared, but fortunately for me, Peter didn’t have any bread or butter.

I won’t go on and on, but between the too bright lighting, the inexperienced too young waiters, and the weird location of the restaurant, I will not be returning.

If after reading this article, you still want to try it for yourself, Le Bistro is located in a small strip mall on the highway at Niu Valley, about twenty minutes east of ‘town’.

Fifty years ago the main store in the mall was Times Super Market. Now that market is a church. A very ugly grey structure that looks exactly like a market in the 60’s.

Le Bistro is next to the ‘church’ and then there is a Japanese and a Chinese restaurant also. The view from the restaurant is of the gravel strewn parking lot and the back side of KFC.  Sort of a ‘restaurant row’.

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