July 4th  Enquirer

For thirty years I have been reading The Enquirer. It really is a ‘fun’ newspaper. Or I guess I should say tabloid.

In the eighties I mostly bought it for their cartoons. They always had the greatest cartoons. Other than the New Yorker, I would have to say they were The Best and always right on target.

My late husband cut out many of their cartoons and made scrapbooks out of them. Here is a page from the past.

Now there are no cartoons. They now have a puzzle page and and a observation puzzle to notice the ten differences in two pictures that look almost alike. Also an astrology page, which is pretty lame.

But the news and the articles keep me up to date with what is going on in the world of Hollywood, plastic surgery and weight loss (and gain).

I subscribe to the Enquirer and usually get my copy on Friday. I can’t wait to curl up with it and get all the ‘dirt’. Then I tell my boyfriend all about it.

He thinks it is a terrible ‘newspaper’. Of course he reads The New York Times and other high toned papers. I, on the other hand, love it and believe every word.

This weeks issue featured famous divorces. Last weeks was about who had the worst plastic surgery. It seems to me that if you had a lot of money, why would you stint on your plastic surgeon. Wouldn’t you go to the best one out there?

I have had lots of nips and tucks over the years and the last thing would be to go to anyone but the best in their field. This week’s issue has an article about a woman who had a ‘routine’ eye lift and hasn’t been able to shut her eyes for five years.

Before that they did a whole issue about who is gay. When Anthony Weiner was in the news for his sex scandal, the Enquirer was there with all the news and the background.

Of course there is the ongoing saga of John Edwards and Drew Peterson. Edwards is the one with the love child who was going to run for president and Peterson is the cop who murdered his three wives.

This weeks article on Peterson showed him in his orange jail outfit. Evidently there is going to be a movie made about him. Rob Lowe is going to play Peterson. He may have to gain 100 pounds for the role. (Or at least fifty)

The thrust of the article is that Peterson thinks Lowe is too pretty and a ‘sissy’ to portray him. He is a real ‘bad ass’.

I love the stories about animals. There was an amazing one last week about a cat that was in a house that was hit by a tornado. It was leveled and the people escaped because they were in the basement. They searched for the family cat, to no avail.

Finally on day sixteen after the tornado had struck, the woman went back to her ‘house’ to see if she could salvage anything else and lo and behold, “Meow meow”. The cat had survived sixteen days without food or water.

See, without the Enquirer I never would have heard this great story. Every week now they print some uplifting story about man’s humanity to man. This week it was about twin brothers. the healthy one gave the sick one, one of his kidneys.

The great thing about getting a kidney from your identical twin is that not only is it a perfect match, you do not have to take anti rejection drugs for the rest of your life. (I always wanted to be a twin when I was a girl). Not for that reason, however.

No, there were twin girls in my class in the third grade. They always wore the neatest clothes. Their mother dressed them in matching outfits, but in different colors. I always dreamed that this was me.

When I had two little girls, I always dressed them in matching outfits when we went out. As they got a little older, I chose the same look, but different colors. I sewed most of their clothes, so this was easy to do.

But again I digress. This is just how my mind works. One idea sets off a whole chain of memories. Back to the Enquirer.

So, if you have never read the Enquirer, pick up a copy next time you go to the supermarket. Such fun. Plus when you are done reading, the pages make good gift wrap.

p.s. I just read in the ‘real’ newspaper that Jennifer Lopez and Mark Anthony are getting a divorce. I can’t wait to read all about the details in the Enquirer. Must be the seven year itch.

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