Monday was my quarterly doctor’s appointment. Gee things are really different now that there is online test results for blood tests and computerized medical charts.

I had my blood drawn last week on a Friday. Miracle of miracles the tech found the vein on the first try. Not too bad.

Then the results were posted online the very next day. I could compare with how things were three and six months ago. Pretty amazing. Bottom line, I am getting older and the numbers are inching up.

Gaining weight is another problem. I can tell without even getting on the scale that from Christmas till now, I have gained five pounds. I think it is time for the lemon juice/maple syrup/cayenne pepper diet.

My doctor said diet pills are dangerous after age sixty. Can cause heart attack, stroke and other awful things. Also not good for one’s liver. It seems that many of these were taken off the market. But guess what? They are back now.

Maybe there was just a little punishment time for the diet pill companies. Even Hydroxycut, which has all those gorgeous photos of after, is back again.

When I read about these 75 year old women running marathons, I just don’t identify. My doctor says I should go for a brisk walk to speed up my metabolism. My idea of a brisk walk is to sprint from the cosmetics to the shoe department in Macy’s.

OK. My cholesterol is higher, but the ‘good’ cholesterol is really higher. The ‘bad’ cholesterol is higher too, but not by as much as the ‘good’ cholesterol. Bottom line: I must double my cholesterol medication.

What did people do in the olden days? I don’t recall any of this. Or maybe things just get worse as you get older and people didn’t live as long in the olden days.

My boyfriend is over sixty. But he swims a couple of miles three times a week, walks an hour the other days, and eats a mostly vegan diet. If there is cholesterol is something he just doesn’t eat it. Or very little. (Like one bite of lemon meringue pie).

I, on the other hand, think lemon meringue pie is a perfect breakfast. Eggs, sugar and cornstarch. OK, you got me. Back to the lemon juice/maple syrup/cayenne pepper.

My birthday is a week from tomorrow. I wonder if I can lose five pounds in a week. I have a thing about looking good on my birthday. Let’s see, if I don’t eat any bread or ice cream or dessert for a week and cut out all white food I think that may do it.

Plus I bought a Living Social body contouring ‘deal’ and I have one session left. This was a good deal. Three treatments for $99.

Usually these treatments cost $200 each. What is done is sort of an ironing on the area with a wand from a huge machine. The machine is from Italy and the area I chose was my stomach.

Each session last about half an hour, followed with a massage. The first time I lost about half an inch and the second time a full inch more. Hope third time’s a charm.

As I was lying on the table having this done, I asked the woman how the Living Social thing works. I was shocked to learn that that LS takes 45% of the money collected and sends the rest to the business.

Her thought was if there were 100 ‘deals’ sold, she would ‘donate’ 300 hours of her time and hopefully wind up with a bunch of new clients. Well, what happened is that is was such a ‘good deal’ that over 700 were sold and she is a one person operation, so her bookings went out to February 2012.

So while there was $72,000 worth of treatments sold, many people wanted their money back, as they didn’t want to wait a year to redeem what they had purchased. Her share is only $35,000 but as of the other day, she hadn’t received anything yet from Living Social. They are still trying to sort out the final tally after all the refunds. What a mess!

I got a good one last week for Tutti Fruitti frozen yogurt. $5 for $10 of frozen yogurt. This was a good deal. First of all it is self service, which is sort of fun. No reservation needed and the place wasn’t crowded. In fact we were the only customers when we arrived.

The cashier gives you a paper cup and tells you that she will weigh your purchase when you are done. 43 cents an ounce is the going rate. I took my boyfriend and we each got a cup, went down the wall and squirted out the frozen yogurt. Then there were about twenty toppings ranging from kiwi fruit to granola and nuts.

I chose cheesecake and chocholate mousse and he chose acai. Then we both chose fruits and nuts for our toppings. Our two servings came to 20 ounces. Perfect.

She told me of another business that used the Living Social method to drum up new customers. Her girlfriend owns a small one person shop which offers sandwiches, desserts and tea. This small store has only three tables and the owner is the sole employee.

The Living Social deal was for $10, to get $20 worth of tea, sandwiches and desserts. Sounds good. Well 500 were sold. This means that she got 55% of $5000 as her cut. OK. But since one doesn’t make a reservation for a sandwich, she never knew how many people would show up on any given day, and no way could she handle this herself.

She had to hire another person, which she could ill afford, and with only three tables in her establishment, seating became a real problem. So next time you see a great offer on Living Social or Groupon, do the math and see if it is even feasible to ‘cash in’ your coupon.

I was smart in that I called immediately, even before I received my voucher, and booked three appointments for the following month. I have learned that it is best to call the establishment prior to even purchasing the voucher to book your appointment.

I have purchased facials and manicures from Living Social, and while they are a very good deal, if you plan to do this, make your appointment ASAP.

The body contouring treatment has been a very nice experience and I am debating whether to continue my third treatment in the same area or see what she can do about my arms. I don’t like those either.

This is supposed to be ‘permanent’, as long as you don’t eat a pizza the next day. I heard about a woman who paid $20,000 for complete body liposuction, looked great and then gained it all back.

I think I would kill myself. No, not really. I just wouldn’t spend $20,000 on liposuction in the first place. I really only had liposuction once. On my neck/under chin area. It looked great for about a month.

Then I had to have more drastic work done. I forget the medical term but it is a neck lift. There is cutting and stitching involved and the results are amazing. When I asked the doctor afterward why the stitches went up to my temple, he explained that you have to do the whole lower face/jaw or you will have a pleat.

So now to try to get in shape for my birthday. Why do I always wait till the last minute? Plus my palm is itching.

I know that has nothing to do with my medical conditions, but I think I read once that it your palm is itching it means you are going to get money. Hooray!